With increasing population and growing neighborhoods, nobody has time to hit every house on the block! When you’ve only got a few hours, you need to start making some cuts to your route. But which houses will give you the king-sized bars? That’s where Redbeacon’s team of front-porch analyzers come in. We’ve had countless years of judging people’s candy supply based on their front-porch-decor abilities, so trust when we say we’re Candy Distribution Experts.
The Obvious One:
The porch light on/off sign should be universal. We all know that if the porch light is off, they’re not giving candy. If it’s on, they’re giving candy. This is really a message to all of you terrible people who leave the porch light on and proceed not to give any candy. (You know who you are.)
The Decoration Overload:
When you see the house with too many decorations, our highly statistical analysis says it’s safe to say you can skip it. The people inside this household LOVE Halloween and will make you work way too hard. No, I don’t want to tell you a joke. No, I don’t want to tell you what I’m supposed to be, and I’m not going to act like my costume.
Once you’re finished putting on a show for them, they’ll probably give you something terrible, like one fun-sized Three Musketeers bar, or even worse: candy corn. HOW DARE YOU GIVE CANDY CORN.
This is the house you want to hit – the stealth bomber of the Halloween haul. The residents of this home most likely don’t care about Halloween except for the fact that it’s tradition; they don’t have any kids to get dressed up, so their energy is low. Some tired high school kid will probably answer the door, say “Yaaay” unenthusiastically, and toss you a heaping handful of whatever. Is it fun? Maybe not. But the reward is so much better.
Look how perfect this house is. They couldn’t even be bothered to carve out their pumpkins. That means they don’t even care how much candy they give in a handful.
I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. We all found that one big house on the block where we were certain there would be a big payoff. We threw our already heavy pillowcases over our shoulders and traveled up their ridiculously long driveways only to walk away with nothing more than dental floss and crushed hopes and dreams.
It’s hard to tell which house belongs to dentists. So here’s shout out to every dentist out there! Please make decorations like this so we can spot your house from a mile away.
Ugh. We get it.
Houses to Skip:
If a house has this in front:
walk away IMMEDIATELY.
Nope nope nope nope nope.
So now that we’ve shared our trade secrets in Front Porch Analyzation Techniques, the last steps are to plan out your route around your neighborhood. Check out our friends at Nextdoor, who have helped neighbors notify if they’re giving away candy or staying in and being grumps. Don’t forget to add the promo code “FrontPorch15” in your Redbeacon account to get a free $15 credit toward hiring and pro.